Surprise!!

What's... this? A guest post?

Hello! I know most of you come to this blog to read about quilting, and stuff like that, but this time you're in store for something a little different.

My name is Lauren, and I'm Sarah's daughter. I'm fourteen years old, and I know next to nothing about quilting. Not nothing.... I mean, I've lived with a quilter my entire life. But certainly not enough to write a blog post on the subject. So instead, I decided to write about my mom! That's the natural thing to do... right?

So here goes nothing....

 14 Relatively Unknown Things About My Mom

1.She's really crazy and funny when she wants you to take cough medicine.

 I've  had a cold for about two weeks now. It's no fun. The medicine I have to take is absolutely revolting. I hate it . It's nasty stuff. It usually takes me a little while to pshych myself up to drink the stuff. One night, Mom and I were standing in the kitchen while I was trying to take my meds. It was late, it was cold, and mom didn't want to be there much longer. So, in an effort to hurry me along in the process of drinking that horrible liquid, she started to motivate me by saying : " Up and..... BACK! Down the....... HATCH!!!"

2. If she hurts herself, she must show you ... repeatedly.

Not just once or twice, oh no.

Every chance she gets.

Because she wants you to feel bad for her. And of course you do, but after being shown her injury twenty times....

3. She sometimes yells at people when she's driving.

Yes, I realize that lots of people do this.

Mom doesn't say anything bad.

She says things like " Get out of the way B-hole!" then she turns to me,

" That b-hole better get outta the way!"

She actually says " B-hole" . Not butt hole, she'd never say that.
Okay, maybe she would.

4. She's the only mom who stays to watch us at dance.

My sister and I dance quite a bit. I have dance five days a week now. Needless to say, we're at the dance studio a good amount of time. Mom's out there everyday, sitting on the bench, cross stitching in hand, watching us dance. None of the other moms are ever there. They don't watch their kids dance. I mean, sure, they're there sometimes. But no one has yet to come close to spending as much time at the dance studio as mom does.

5. Any story from her childhood is set in third grade.

Okay, so not any story.

But a good chunk of them. So much of them... almost all of them. Her stories usually go a little something like this

Mom:" One time when I was a kid...."

Me: " Was this in third grade?"

Mom: " ......Yes."

6. She is obsessed with Thor.

You know ,Thor.

The mythical Norse god of thunder.

She doesn't just like Thor... she has a Thor doll, a Thor pez dispenser, and lots of other assorted Thor goodies.Of course she does.

7. She's always watching old movies.

Always. It bothered me a bit when I was little... but they've started to grow on me....

8.She HATES shopping of any kind.

Actually, she doesn't hate shopping for yarn or fabric so.....

8A. She HATES shopping ....... unless it's for fabric or yarn.

9.She's absolutely horrible at video games.

This is a big one for my little sister. She's really good at video games.

Mom.... not so much. When she's playing a game, she has a hard time maneuvering both her head and her torso at the same time....

10. She has an irrational disdain for old fashioned police cars.

They make her sick.

11. " Can I get a few of those snacker things.... what are they called?"

"...Snackers."

This was an actual conversation between my mom and the drive through lady at KFC.

12. She loves Honey Boo Boo.

This is actually fairly new.

For those of you who aren't in the know, Honey Boo Boo is a seven year old pageant girl.

She was in the show " Toddlers and Tiaras" . Apparently, people liked her , because now she has her own spin off show.

Personally, I'm not that interested in the show. Sure, she's a cute and funny kid.... mom on the other hand, says she wants to adopt Honey Boo Boo.

13. She has lots of weird dolls.

Lots of them.

Just the other day, she got a package in the mail . The interchange between her and me went a little something like this :

Me: " What's in this?"

Mom : " It's my blue vampoodle. Did you happen to see the envelope that has my tiny elf baby?"

14. An often used phrase of her's : " I cut your grapes in half!!"

She says this whenever she feels the need to remind us of the kindness she did us by cutting our grapes in half when we were babies.

" I kept you alive!"

Well folks, that's my list.

I had fun, and I hope you did as well.This list could have gone on longer, but I think this will suffice.These are some of my favorite wacky things about my mom. I love my wacky mom.

So in the hopes that she doesn't rebuttle by sharing embarrassing stories from my childhood, I shall bid you all adeu.

Until next time,

Lauren ( AKA Big sis)

Comments

[peri]

Hey Lauren, love this post.. your mam sure sounds like an awesome mother to have ... I would like to see the ' vampoodle' though, sounds very interesting. Thank you for making me smile :-)

[Doe]

Hahaha! You're absolutely fantastic and so is your mom. Sounds a bit wacky but that's what makes her so special! You should have your own segment here. You can call it "tales of the wacky woman we call mom!" ^_____^

[Diane Steele]

Lauren, you're ready for your own blog!! VERY entertaining!!

[Susan]

Great post, Lauren. You're even funnier than your mom!
Please tell your mom that I have missed her blog posts. Even the ones about wierd dolls.

[Kelly]

Lauren - A fabulous post!!! You are lucky to have such a quirky and funny mom and she is lucky to have such a wonderfully funny and articulate child. ~Kelly

unDeniably Domestic

[nanette]

Love the post. We have a lot in common, actually. Well of course. And your daughter has a lot in common with mine. Except the doll thing. I wish I had more. And I'm not as good a mom to sit and watch my kids for hours at dance. Bad me. You're Funny. Very cute. I think I'd be afraid of what my girls would write about me.

[Jayme C]

Omg, you need to start your own blog, because you're freaking hilarious!!! I can't imagine how hard you will make people laugh when you're 21 and have more life experience!! Please please please, tell your mom to let us all know when you start your blog!!! Or write a book. In fact, you should write a book for teenagers about teenage life, and even tho I'm 28 (on Sunday) I'd still go out and buy it, and read it. Because I still wish I were a teenager...sometimes.

[Tricia]

Great stuff! I am going to use that one about the grapes on my kids...also, I used to cut up their hot dogs!
Thanks for the laughs!
Tricia
P.S. This was a nicer way to make fun of your mom that what my kids did: they put something I said on one of those "stupid things my parents say" sites and...apparently my saying was voted the "best." Or, at least that is how I choose to think of it!

[Sabine]

O Lauren,I love that!!!! So wonderful, you wrote this post about your lovely mom. I laughed out so much while reading!!!!
Hugs,
Sabine xxxxxx

[Kara @me_and_elna]

Oh my gosh, I effing love this. :)

[Shari]

Great post Lauren. Thanks for sharing.

[Becky]

Super post! Looking forward to more!!

[Gloria Martin]

i've always enjoyed reading your mom's posts and was excited to see that there was a current post on her blog. then i began to read it and found it extremely entertaining and hilarious. because i too am the mother of two girls that like to poke fun at me from time to time,(meaning ALL the time) but they are grown now and no longer live at home and I miss them teasing me and saying things like "mom, you're weird" or "mom, you're so cute". I loved your list and look forward to more posts from you. but please tell your mom I miss her posts too. You guys have a wonderful sense of humor! thanks for the smiles Lauren.

[Thimbleanna]

Haha -- what a fun post! It's great to know how much you appreciate your mom -- quirks and all. Thanks for confirming that she is the fab person that we think she is too!

[Mary]

Hysterical!

[hungryhippie natalie sanitni]

OMGGGGGG I love your blog lady.......hilarious. I think I know you or something. LOL xx

[Billy]

Loved your post. I hope one day my wee girl will think the same way about me, her weird mum that collects Lalaloopsy dolls and action figures ;)

[Sweet Cottage Dreams]

Lauren, you get your keen wit from your mother! I am laughing (LOL'ing) as I read this post! Though I've never met your ma, I feel like I know her in "real" life. You have a great mother, down to the cutting the grapes! BTW, you are as lovely as her, too.

Thanks for the smiles today!

xxo
Becky

[Nicole]

Ha ha, Lauren! Just stumbled over here off of a "pin" from a Pinterest board of mine and ran into this. Sooo much fun, especially since I can totally "hear" your mom. I still remember the day I realized just how funny she was! You too! Miss you all terribly but am content here in the valley. Sophie is progressing. Best of New Year wishes to you all! Much love, Nicole

[Lori @ Just Pure Lovely]

This is such a good list, Lauren. You're a great writer, and I have a 15yo who seems to have enough in common with you, you would probably be friends if only we didn't live very far away.

[LillianMorris]

Hey! Are you an often online user or maybe you are for offline communication?